I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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