Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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