Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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