Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
