I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
