Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
