I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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