Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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