I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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