I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
