I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
