my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
