"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
