I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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