i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
