i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
