my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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