Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
