I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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