Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
