after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
