My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
