So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
