Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
