my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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