Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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