I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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