Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
