If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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