jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
