just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
