I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
