My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Houston, we have a blender
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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