I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
