so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
