i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
