You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
