I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
