So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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