i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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