Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My life is pants optional.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
