I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
