dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
