Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
