so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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