...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
