The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my being single is dangerous.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
