I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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