We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
