Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
