The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
