the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
